It's 12:18 AM. And as I'm about to fall asleep, it's scary. After I wake up, I will have one night before I head out on the first leg of my journey into the unknown. Some of you may know, or maybe this is the first time you're hearing about it, but I've had a rough year. There has been a lot of pain and a lot of confusion. A lot of doubts and misundestandings, and I've just experienced a lot of things that I hope and pray were a one-time thing. But you know, I'm reading the book of Joel. I just read the introduction last night, and tonight I read the first couple chapters. The whole story is of a man who's watched his country destroyed by locusts and possible drought. The people are hungry and thirsty, the animals are moaning for the loss of their pasturelands, and the people are just in an alltime state of hopelessness. Ouch. But as I've read on a bit, the tables turn - things change, when God answers. This is a big deal! GOD answers. He sees the pain, the dry and thirsty land, and offers hope for a change. I feel like He's talking to me. I've been dreading Japan, in ways, because I know in the pit of my stomach...this year is going to be hard. One of the hardest, in fact, that I'm going to have to face. And as I've been looking back at this past year, it leaves me uttering "why, God, must this continue on? Why am I constantly needing to learn things the hard way?" and the thing is, I don't. Even though this past year was hard, God heard my cry. And now, as I look back and truly consider the past, I can't help but feel the corners of my mouth turn up in a smile. Things have been hard, but God has poured down His blessings in such real, tangible ways - He gave me you. I have a hard time knowing how to let people go, and as I've been leaving Bible school I'm torn between the excitment of growing up, and the bitter sad of leaving people behind whom I've loved and have loved me. I love you, and am so thankful for the love you have poured back in return! Thankyou for being there when things were so dry in so many ways. I feel like when I wake up on Monday and prepare to fly out, I'm leaving behind some pretty crucial things - and one of those things, as God promised His people in Joel, is a dry and desolate land. I needed that place, to see where I really stand. I am so week, so feeble, in reality. But I am so blessed, so honored, to be remembered by our Dear and Holy Father, and He's the one who's taking me away from the past. He's grasping my hands, proclaiming "Fly, Susan. Fly into the unknown and feel the wings of change and growth!"...so that's just what I'm doing. - With fear, trembling, but a hop in my step, I, am taking flight. :)
"Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees..." - Hebrews 12:12 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
