One day at lunchtime, she asked for more milk. We only serve milk once, then water after that - so I said no. She proceeded to scream at me, demanding that I give up my menacing ways and hand over her well-deserved milk (She used slightly different words, of course). I bent down so I could look her in the eye, and tried to talk things through. She slapped me in the face. I grabbed her hand, and she proceeded to slap me with the other one. I grabbed that hand, and of course, stupid me, she began to kick me. ... Hence the birth of the name, "Rodent Girl". Well deserved, non?
It seems to me, that as I am working with toddlers, I am faced with the bruit force of what human beings are naturally inclined to do. Unlike us "educated" folk, preschoolers haven't yet learned to cover up their character - they haven't yet learned to mask their sin. Little boys scream in my face, demanding that I hold their hand. I try and understand why a child would expect me to want to even be in the same room as them, while they're screaming at me, but, this, is the human nature. Little children only wish to serve themselves - and even though us adults have learned to pretend otherwise, last I heard, we were little children once, too.
The other day I was reading in ...Okay, I can't remember which one, but it was in one of the Gospels - I think Luke. I came to a parable that Jesus was telling, and I didn't quite understand how it applied to me. Jesus asked the people, if a servant came in from working all day and began demanding that his master begin waiting on him, would that be right? Well, I didn't get it. So the next day as I was reading, I came to the story again... and, it hit me.
I am a servant of God - not the other way around.
It seems I'd gotten into the habit of asking God for things constantly - it says in God's word that we should be paraying and asking God for things all the time, but still - that's different than what I've been doing. When the paperwork that would enable me to go to Japan wasn't working out, I was upset with God that He wasn't making things go more smoothly. I was frustrated that things were not going accoring to my plan, that God wasn't doing as I had asked of Him, and I even felt justified in my feelings. Eeesh...shame, much?
Another day this week, I was writing each kid's name on their craft in a bright blue marker. Rodent Girl asked so sweetly if she could write her own name (even though we both very well knew she doesn't know how) and so, once again, stupid me, I said yes. She took the marker from my hand, and with a menacing grin, jumped up, and ran away from the table. I followed, and as I got close, she turned around, and with a giggle, proudly drew two lovely lines on my jeans. Thanks a lot, Rodent Girl.
It seems to me, though, that I am Rodent Girl. And, well, so are you.
God has incredible, magnificent, infalliable, perfect plans for each part of my life. Yet, every once in a while, I decide that I can play God's role in my life, and I "ask" Him if I can give His plans a try. He very lovingly allows me to. ...and I don't think I have to elaborate on how that story ends. God and I both know that I am not even the least bit capable of spelling my own name - of playing out my own fate - but I only think about me. I am human, I am but a small child, trying to do things the way I think is best for me. I, am rodent girl. ...and when I screw up, sometimes I even scream at God, demanding why He isn't there, holding my hand.
(The truth is, God is there. I just pushed Him out of my sight. So don't think God isn't there when you're screaming at Him, either. He's better than we are at holding tightly to His spoiled children.)
In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame.
Rescue me and deliver me in Your
righteousness;
turn Your ear to me
and save me.
Be my rock of refuge
to which I can always go
...for You are my rock and my fortress.
..For You have been my Hope,
O Sovereign Lord,
my confidence since my youth.
From birth I have relied on You;
You brought me forth from my mother's womb.
I will ever praise You.
Psalm 71:1-6
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